Thursday, May 19
So us IRAS freaks were feeling a little bored. Keiko got really bored, so she wrote a letter to Mei. Lol.
My dear HAIRY friend,
I'm writing to you from the worst days of my life. Being a prisoner of war (POW) is never easy. Sitting down for hours at a time, trying to decipher the weird handwritings on green paper, rewriting useless information and sending letters to the citizens of this wretched country is driving me to my grave.
Oh my beloved friend! Save me from this wretchedness if you can! Send your armies of termites to finish this filthy green stuff! If need be, send the cockroaches and all other paper-eating pests to this office! Burn it to ashes! Be gone filthy mouldy paper!
Alas, this cry of my heart is one which falls on deaf ears. The two prison wardens (office perm staff) are watching me closely, even as I write this letter. How much worse can my wretched life get? The brutes are forcing me into silence. Clouding my brain with numbers which cannot be revealed.
Can I just walk away from all these? Walk out into the open skies and still be fed? Can I become a POW in another country? Oh, USA, here I come! Yellowstone National Park! Will thou wait for me before you blow up?
Hold your fire! You evil volcano!
I'm going to be reunited with my call of nature.
Philippines, Laos, Vietnam! Here I come!
This is the ONLY voice I got.
Your dying friend, 'the one in dirty green shirt'
LOLOLOLOL. I'm utterly lamed by the letter. Driven to madness. Wrote another letter back to her.
My dear friend in dirty green shirt,
My heart goes out to you comrade, but you must realise that we are too in the same boat. My comrade, though we are separated by the thin but impenetrable wall of our prisons, we can weep together, for I too have sore butt syndrome.
Oh my comrade! Let us fight against the treacherous armies of green paper! Stand up for your rights my friend! We are but only POWs, we have rights too! Let us march out of this lifeless office, and into the room named 'Ladies'! Even if that only gives us momentary ease from our eternal condemnation.
Yes, my friend, you can walk away from all these! There is no law if those prison wardens think they can trap us in this green hell, to be condemned forever. No! We cannot allow ourselves to be manipulated by lifeless zombies. Never. Come my friend, follow your heart and search for the haven you want to go. (But please remember to return bearing gifts.)
I wish you best of luck in your endeavour towards being reunited with your call of nature.
Your comrade-in-black-pen
PS: Why you call me HAIRY friend?
I think we've got nothing better to do. Lol... Read on. Here comes the next reply.
Oh my dear friend,
Being hairy is not just in the literal sense. Think 'hairy' as in tangly, deep, dark forests. Where monsters and scavengers dwell. (By the way, I'm appalled that you say that you have a lack of hair! I mean, there's hair on your head, pubic hair down south, east and west are pretty crowded too, not to mention nostril hair!) Anyway, remember that we're supposed to be POWs, so therefore, no shaver to shave armpits, no scissors to cut hair.
Back to being metaphorical, 'hairy' can also mean brainy, since the brain is made up of proteins, the same substance hair is made up of! Also, think of the skin -- it's made up of proteins too!
Conclusion is, Meilinda Tan, you're indeed a FANTABULOUSLY HAIRY person! (At least you don't have a balding spot, unlike the author of this letter... you are definitely 'HAIRIER' than her!
Anyway. Continuing...
Oh! (a shout of anguish!)
To know that you're suffering just as bad as me breaks my heart tremendously! What has the world become? Fancy HIGHLY educated people such as us becoming POWs!
But let your heart not become heavy, for the end is close. The war on evil taxpayers who're highly illiterate is ending! The piles of tax forms are getting lower and the supply pool will cease one day!
Oh! A plague over Herbert's (a fellow co-worker) house (his desk)! Why the devil does he keep supplying us with the green paper! However, I'll excuse his sins as long as he keeps supplying my with a constant view of his sexy butt (-.-)! (Oops, sorry for digressing!)
Be strong my friend! Find solace in your plumbing system. Flush away your problems! My spy from over the wall tells me that you've been doing a lot to quench the supply of evil green forms! Oh! Your courage strengthens me my friend!
Don't lose heart! $6.50 an hour is a lot to lose! Think of your P2P (which is actually PSP), or 2P2 or whatever, and find strength and courage from within!
With courage, your walking christmas tree for a comrade
Wonder what we do in IRAS anyway. Lol. Too bored for words.
Posted by Isabelle at 7:11 pm